I Sold Myself Short


I’ve been in RFA for 2 and 1⁄2 years and even though I’ve had good weight loss I haven’t worked the program the way that it designed to work. I had the opportunity to get into this program 21 years ago when it began, but I let worldly clamors (as the Big Book calls it) of others telling me that I better not get involved and stay in the 12 step program I already was in. I did that and I sold myself short. I tried to keep in touch with a couple of the people that worked this RFA program and was successful in it. I would call once a year and talk to one person and I would leave a message with the other person.

Two and half years ago the person that I talked to ask me if I would like to call in my food to her and I readily said yes. In two and half years I have not had one month that I haven’t eaten off the plan in some way. I’m not proud of that and I sold myself short. Another thing I’d like to share is that no matter how bad I was doing on the program I never gave up calling my sponsor. I believe for me to eat off the plan is to not be abstinent. So for two and a half years I lost over 100 pounds and I have done it my way. I’m here to share my way doesn’t work and it makes me crazy.

Food Addiction: The Body Knows says on page 43. “Why is it that people get up in the morning and eat to live, while food addicts get up and eat to die?” I was losing weight, but I was dying in the disease. I wasn’t eating sugar, flour or wheat for the whole time; I just wasn’t eating on the plan. It also says in Food Addiction: The Body Knows on page 136, “While the addict hangs between admission and acceptance, he will live in anger, frustration and pain because he knows the truth, but he will not embrace that truth.” That was where I was, but I had lost a lot of weight. I was still crazy as a Bessie bug, but I lost weight. I was admitting I was a food addict, but I wasn’t accepting it. My sponsor kept saying to me that I hadn’t assigned the same seriousness of food addiction as I do my alcoholism. I finely realized what she was saying. One night at my home group a man that was doing his lead said, “If I drink, I’ll Die.” That was what made it click for me.

The next day I read the sentence in The Food Addiction book that I quoted earlier about food addicts eat to die. I sold myself short and I finally got it. I found a blank page in The Food Addiction Book and wrote it fourteen times. What I wrote was, if I eat sugar, flour, wheat or off the food plan I’m going to die. I believe that. As I said before I had a measure of success in this program even though I wasn’t eating on the plan. I let all those worldly clamors in my head keep me from sharing in a meeting because I have struggled so much with program and I think no one wants to hear what I have to say. I’ve been told to stay out of my head; I don’t want to go to that old addictive neighborhood alone it will be dangerous.

One other thing I’d like to share about is my health. Food Addiction: The Body Knows shares about the medical complications caused by this disease. Out of fifteen things that are listed in the first paragraph I had seven of them. Let me list here what this program has done for me. I’ve been release from my cardiologist and my kidney specialist. Before program my kidneys were operating at 35 % and since I’ve been in program they are operating at 78%. The list of medications that I have been able to get off since I’ve been in program is very numerous. I was able to discontinue two pills and a shot for diabetes and my diabetes is in remission. I’m on no medications for diabetes. I have been able to discontinue two strong fluid pills, two pills for gout, Abilify for depression, Crestor, Primidon. I’m on the lowest dose of Lisinapril they can give me and I’m on that just to protect my kidneys. So I’m not having high blood pressure any more. I don’t have sleep apnea anymore and have stopped using my CPAP Machine altogether. It also says that there is possibly immunologic impairment and for me I was getting bronchitis every 2- 3 months and that set my asthma off. Now I’m taking a probiotics and  not getting sick, but I think as I stay abstinence this problem will correct itself for me. Some other medications I’ve been able to eliminate are Diovan 350 mg, Metformin 500 mg twice a day, Seroquel 100 mg, Actos 45 mg, Ibuprofen 600 mg twice a day for Arthritis and Migrazone Capsules for migraines. You see even though I sold myself short the program has worked. I don’t plan on selling myself short anymore. I don’t plan on shooting myself in the foot anymore. I plan on eating on the food plan because I’m worth it. Even though I didn’t think I was worth and kept having problems, people in the program saw that I was worth it and stayed with me and for that I am so grateful. You see I sold myself short and I don’t any more. Recovery from food addictions is the most important thing in my life without exception and I won’t let any person, place, thing or situation get in the way of my recovery.

Sandi W.