RFA Talk > Happy or free?

Hello everyone.
I can see that I've been doing a lot of stuff, recovery related and otherwise, with the goal of being "happy." Last night I was reminded that Happiness is a moving target. The suggestion came: instead of being happy, you can recover. Recover, recovered, recovering - those are all moving targets for me as well. There are lots of different opinions about what those words mean.
So a couple of ideas are with me this morning. First, the line from the guidelines that reads "When we are abstinent from the addictive substances of sugar, flour, and wheat, we can have the “second thought” if the mental obsession returns."

Second, this passage from Food Addiction: The Body Knows (p. 46):
"The disease influences choices based on the substances that have been introduced into the system. Addiction operates automatically at the physiological level, no matter how hard to fight to resist. Delusion and denial are automatic. The addict is a vehicle for the addictive substance."

So now it begins to become clear for me. In order to thrive, I need to be free. First, free of addictive substances, the physical allergy. Then free to have the second thought when the mental obsession returns.

At this moment, I understand that freedom from addictive illness doesn't necessarily mean "happiness" as I've come to define it.
The big surprise is that, at this moment, that's okay with me. I recognize the futility of looking for happiness if I'm not free to have the second thought. Happiness becomes just another fix.

This brings me to another favorite passage from the AA 12 and 12 (p. 112):
"Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering satisfactions are denied us?
The AA answer to these questions about living is “Yes, all of these things are possible.” We know this because we see monotony, pain and even calamity turned to good use by those who keep on trying to practice AA’s Twelve Steps."

For much of my life, I've been pursuing the brighter, more glittering satisfactions without much success. But If I think of my life in the humbler, more durable program of 12 Step recovery, I am a success. Not because I've done it well or perfectly but because I keep being called to show up and most of the time, I've been able to do that.

I'm grateful for all of this awareness today and for freedom. I'm grateful for the people who plant seeds in me and stay with me until those seeds can sprout. I'm grateful for the information, the food plan and the others who stay faithful to the process. And I'm very grateful to be a real food addict today. Otherwise, I might have just floundered around my whole life, never reaching the bottom that has skyrocketed me into the fourth dimension.

Thanks for all of your support.

July 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKasey in ATL