Hi everyone,
During my lunch break just now, I was reading a book that said all I have to do is ask for a miracle, then allow it to happen, don't resist.
Sounds a lot like what the Big Book says, Ask for help, relax and take it easy, don't struggle. Okay, I get it. So, I asked for a miracle.
About 15 minutes later, I was standing up at the front door of our office and I saw 4 of my colleagues return from having lunch out. It is unusual for employees to go out for lunch. And I didn't get invited.

When I saw them come in, my first thought was that I'd rather spend the lunch break alone reading than going out with those people. But over the next few minutes, the question kept nagging at me, "Is that true? Would you really rather be alone, reading, than out in fellowship with others?"

You know, the answer is no. I would rather be in fellowship than alone. But this little episode helped me to see that it is much easier to stay alone and read than to admit that my feelings are hurt because I wasn't invited. Than to admit that maybe I wasn't invited because I can be a textbook example of the bedevilments on page 52 in the BB. Over the weekend I heard a speaker say "If I had to live with me, I'd drink, too!" I know that I can fall into that category.

And maybe this had a lot to do with my addictive eating for so long. It was just easier to do that than to face any hard truth about the world or myself, than to admit that I was hurting.

Today I feel very grateful that my HP works so quickly. If this isn't a miracle, I don't know what is! Also that I have a HP that I can go to with the kind of pain that comes from living life on life's terms.. I'm grateful for my tenacity and my real determination to find a Higher Power that works for me and not to let the ideas of others shape what I believe and keep me from being safe in these arms of my understanding That's what I do in addiction. That's an idea that can't persist in recovery.
I'm also grateful to have the awareness that this is not a failure of recovery, this is the whole point of recovery! It's a continuous process of uncovering, discovering and discarding.

thanks to all who show up here to read and recover, little by little, one day at a time.
Love,
Kasey

Kasey

What a beautiful reminder that we recover a little bit at a time. I am so grateful that recovery is not simply an event but a progressive activity because I am certain my timing would be off and I'd miss the whole event.

Gail