I am 55 now and have never been fat. I think I have food addiction along with various other issues, that I can't seem to solve, that abstinence may shine a light on. I have worked the 12 steps in alanon since there seemed to be no other choice at that time 15 years ago. It took about 5 years to blunder thru with the people in my life, of which 2 have since died. Two family members I wish I could have loved in spite of the 'disease'. I can't seem to make the bridge to a commitment to my own health. For most of my adult life I have tried to not cost too much so I don't have to work. When I work I can't make enough, only enough to keep working and being miserable. My husband askes me every few days to go to work. But, generally he makes all big decisions and I remain dealing with 'it'. I guess I'm over whelmed by deaths and no relationships to show for life having been lived, so whats the use, if there is no good food just eat anything.

This sounds like a terrible place to be stuck. Please join us on our phone meetings (or face to face if you can! You will hear recovery and find some hope there. Keep listening until you know whether or not we have what you want. We're always willing to share our experience, strength, and hope. And the fellowhip is pretty darn good too.

Thanks, coffee is the real culprit for me. Feeling so defeated about that, may not sound like much but it is a real deep seated habit with a lot of ...connected to the compulsion. It just occurred to me that if coffee is recycling all these bad memories why do I insist on keeping it in my life.
Thank you for the meeting encouragement. I think eventually I can make the commitment, but I'm going to have to depend on others for awhile, that is where the growth will have to be. I feel betrayed in many aspects of life. When it comes down to it, my choices aren't for me, its usually what someone else wants and that is scary to reverse. What would it look like to reverse those tendencies. May todays starbucks be the last!!
I bought a scale and measuring spoons today even though that was my food money for the weekend. Because I'd rather have hope than eat.

HI Leslie,
I'm glad you made a post here. Overweight can be a red herring in food addiction. That is my story, too, and it took me a while to find someone else who had not been overweight. Until I did, it was hard for me to identify and really beleive that I had food addiction.

I think I heard you on the phone meeting recently. Keep coming back. I am convinced more every day that the most important thing for me to do is stay in the process, even when I'm not doing it very well. I've never had a place where it was okay to show up and just be myself, even if that was crabby and negative. RFA is a place where I can be honest about where I am. And a big part of the journey has been the ability to feel intense feelings without being overpowered by them.

Love,
Kasey

Thanks for posting, Leslie! Every time I practice radical self care it becomes easier to do. I definitely found that working with a sponsor an taking it one day at a time really helped. Hope to hear you at a meeting soon!

Reading...listening....writing memories, feelings are to be written for oneself. Most helpful as revelations come to mind. Fourth step is more in depth if one knows, discovers, admits and commits to paper...and, another person. Pray in all things. God revealed me my character defects and then..I could pray for direction and guidance to take action by identifying and correcting(to the best of my ability) by making amends to all that suffered my diseased personality. The RFA program is not a diet...it is a recovery program. I am a work in progress. I smile, cuz...it's working! Keeping spiritually fit is uppermost to being abstinent. :o)