Before abstinence and recovery work, Mother's Day was a day that I felt justified in stuffing my face with as many sweets as possible. Our family always has a big, after-church Mother's Day lunch with a whole table just for desserts. All I wanted for Mother's Day then was some peace and quiet and to be left alone to eat as much as I wanted. As a homeschool mother of 7 children, I would often feel overworked and underappreciated. Food was my pain killer and special occasions and holidays were much looked forward to because of the enormous amounts of food and desserts cooked. I ALWAYS felt justified on these days to eat as much as I wanted because I deserved it right? I could always start my diet again the next day...Monday...right? Well the special occasion/holiday stuffing usually turned in to a whole week(at least) of binging...then hating myself...then starving myself(and calling it fasting)...and overexercising...getting "serious" about dieting(as if)...then looking forward to the next special occasion when I could justify my overeating again. Such a terrible way of life that was.
I am so thankful that with abstinence and recovery, I am free of cravings, free from hating myself, free from shame, free from overexercising, free from starving myself, free from obsessing about food and my body, free from trying to control myself with food, free from the resentments/judging/criticizing/blaming that kept me trapped in addictive behavior. Free to finally get to know GOD for the trustworthy, all loving Higher Power that HE is. Free to be me...the real me.
Before abstinence and recovery work, Mother's Day was a day that I felt justified in stuffing my face with as many sweets as possible. Our family always has a big, after-church Mother's Day lunch with a whole table just for desserts. All I wanted for Mother's Day then was some peace and quiet and to be left alone to eat as much as I wanted. As a homeschool mother of 7 children, I would often feel overworked and underappreciated. Food was my pain killer and special occasions and holidays were much looked forward to because of the enormous amounts of food and desserts cooked. I ALWAYS felt justified on these days to eat as much as I wanted because I deserved it right? I could always start my diet again the next day...Monday...right? Well the special occasion/holiday stuffing usually turned in to a whole week(at least) of binging...then hating myself...then starving myself(and calling it fasting)...and overexercising...getting "serious" about dieting(as if)...then looking forward to the next special occasion when I could justify my overeating again. Such a terrible way of life that was.
I am so thankful that with abstinence and recovery, I am free of cravings, free from hating myself, free from shame, free from overexercising, free from starving myself, free from obsessing about food and my body, free from trying to control myself with food, free from the resentments/judging/criticizing/blaming that kept me trapped in addictive behavior. Free to finally get to know GOD for the trustworthy, all loving Higher Power that HE is. Free to be me...the real me.