Recovery from food addiction began for me on Good Friday last year and wow what a difference a year of recovery can make! Before recovery I was: obese, on 2 blood pressure medicines, eating all day every day, switching from one diet to another every 6 -8 weeks, desperate to stop the binging and obsessive thoughts about food and body image, resentful about so many people, hating myself for being so weak with food, exercising like a maniac at all hours of the night and day, binging then starving, eating while fixing food for all my little children-then eating a meal for myself- then eating while cleaning up, eating off my children's plates before they were even finished, dreading being around certain people at holidays because of resentments, avoiding social gatherings because of my appearance, missed the wedding of 2 best friends from childhood because I was ashamed of my appearance and what people would think of me, eating leftover cake for breakfast lunch and supper and anytime in between that I wanted some until it was gone, eating all of the children's candy and cookies at holidays, mixing butter and sugar to eat when no other sweets were in the house, eating most of the raw dough when making holiday sweets, making a pot of icing and eating it all by myself, hiding evidence of binging, unable to wait for the blessing to eat, eating out of pans before and after food was served, scraping pans after meal was over, binging on fruit because at least fruit was healthy, drinking water until I would be nauseated, scanning a room to see if I was the fattest person present and being so relieved when someone else was fatter, judging-criticizing-blaming others, hating pictures of me, obsessing about what other might think of me and my appearance, feeling like a complete total epic failure...

Now I am: at a healthy weight, no blood pressure medicine, eating by Kay's food plan, exercising moderately a few days a week, have worked/continue to work the 12 steps, at peace with others-myself-my Higher Power, using the tools of recovery like phonecalls-meetings-literature(Big Book is my favorite)-praying-reporting food/step work to sponsor, listening to my body and my feelings, being honest with HP-myself-family-friends-sponsor, talking issues out with sponsor, resting more, seeking God's will and His will only, living in the moment without yesterday's baggage and tomorrow's fears, enjoying food for what it is-nourishment, turning to God and RFA support when baggage and fears do creep up again, enjoying the structure and security the plan brings to my life with the power of God and the fellowship, noticing children trusting me with their food, confident when not allowing children to indulge in addictive foods, looking forward to and enjoying holidays with family because resentments have been dealt with and resolved, accepting and loving people just as they are, letting everyone including myself off the hook for not being perfect:)

Before, I was just surviving. Now, I am truly living:)

Cahty,

Wow! What a wonderful summary of where you were and where you are today. And what a transformation! Thank you for sharing your story and your joy. I certainly identified- lol.

Congratulations on reaching one year and for all they many changes in your life.

Kelly

Cathy,
I am so moved by your story, thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope. I needed to hear your story, I totally identify with your struggle , the pain and thank God now the joy of living.

Thanks Kelly and Keisha for reading my story. I never get tired of telling it because it's a total praise to my HP for doing for me what I could not do for myself!

Congratulations on your year of abstinence! Thank you for posting your story!