I have a new employer - HP. This is so hard for me to remember, especially when my boss and main client at work need so much of my time and energy. When family and work make their expectations so very clear, and the mess in the kitchen speaks loudly, how do I know what it is truly the right next thing to do? For me, the biggest act of surrender is writing my food down in the morning and planning my recovery actions first. Then, when caught, I can refer to my list. I truly want to do God's will today. He will help me. I can ask in prayer and meditation - if you want me to do x, make me want to do it more; if you want me to do y, make me want to do it more. I can call my sponsor, call a recovery buddy, read some literature. It is almost always God's will for me to exercise for 15 minutes or so if I haven't done so yet. If I have made a commitment to someone, I find following through is the best next thing. I made a New Year's resolution to abstain from work on Sundays. Although I think this is a learning experience and the past several Sundays have been joyful and wonderful, today feels like I am white knuckling it! I find it so hard not to keep working on a big project, even though I worked very late Friday and Saturday. I know it is HP's will for me to rest. So why am I so afraid to? Fear that we will not make a deadline tomorrow. Fear that my work is not good enough. I have made unreasonable expectations of myself, and that is pride. Only HP can remove that. I remember when first getting abstinent it seemed like torture to "not eat." It seemed so much easier to focus my energy on planning and eating delicious food, attending meetings, and working the steps. Today, I am going to focus my energy on restful and fun activities whenever my mind turns to "just a little work won't hurt". I am also going to read some Workaholics Anonymous literature. Thanks to everyone for your commitment to turn your will and your lives over to a power greater than yourselves. I made a decision to do it too, and with HP's help, I will be able to! Just for today! Much love, Alison

Hi Alison,
Tools, wow! Thank God for the tools that we have to aid in our turning our life and will over to the care of God as we know Him.
Recovery
Sponsorship
Steps
Meetings
Without God and these tools I truly don't know where I would be today.

Yeah, why is rest so scary? I used to exercise at midnight or later just to say I exercised that day and didn't skip a day. Sleeping would have been the best thing for me right then, not exertion. I'm so thankful for a plan that is sensible and doesn't produce ANY guilt or pressure - just preparation. I would so still be wallowing in the sticky, gooey pit of active addiction if it weren't for my HP and RFA! Abundant life is possible:)