HI everyone,
Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to see some reality about a situation from my childhood. It was, for me, an occasion of great sadness to recognize how addictive illness prevented me from participating differently with my family.
Abstinence helped me deal with this situation because:
1. Because I haven't been using addictive substances, I have been growing in maturity. Kay says that when we begin using, we stop maturing. Since I think I've been using since the womb, I've got a lot of growing up to do!
2. Because I am actively engaged in listening to other food addicts, the parts of me that used to be so unacceptable are now seen as what they are - aspects of the disease that I share with so many other people whom I love. I couldn't love these things in me, but when I see them in you, I love you and as a result can love myself, too.
3. Because I've seen the miracles happen to other people, I expect that they will happen to me, too. Granted, in the early days, I had to just give it a try without expecting much, but now I've seen so much and experienced so much that I really trust the process and the Director.
4. Because I must eat abstinent meals 3 times a day plus an MA, there just isn't a lot of time for wallowing in misery. I used to consider all of the cooking the greatest problem of this disease, but now I feel most grateful for the time I spend in the kitchen preparing the food I need to take care of myself in the most important way that I can. And even when I don't feel grateful, I just do it anyway and my feelings change.
5. Because I recognize today that I made the best decisions that I could with the information that was available to me, I don't have to spend any time beating myself up for my past choices. I can, but I don't have to. That saves a lot of time and energy. "We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves."
6. Learning about my disease, my reactions and helping others do the same is fun for me. For that, I feel very fortunate. It's really a more satisfying way of life than any that I experienced before, including being wined and dined by wealthy men, living the rock star life in the clubs and being "in charge" at my jobs.

Thanks to everyone for the support that you give to me. I couldn't do it without you. And keep coming back! My situation proves that if you keep at it, the miracles will come and be recognized!

Love,
Kasey

Thanks for a great post Kasey. You made quite a list there and I needed to hear it. I'm so grateful for the friends I've made and the help along the way. There's nothing like one addict helping another. Nothing.

Love you,

Tracy