Picture an animal in a trap, frantic and fighting to get loose. The harder the animal tries to get free, the more the trap injures it. The animal is powerless in the trap. Powerless to free itself and powerless to stop fighting to get out. Page 66 of the Big Book says, "But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got."

I think addiction is like a trap. A steel trap with powerful jaws that clamp down on us like there is no tomorrow. Interestingly enough, addicts set their own traps. Page 62 of the Big Book says, "Sometimes [our fellows] hurt us, seemingly with no provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt." A self set trap.

So I set traps for myself. Traps such as listening to gossip, watching a cooking show, getting too hungry-angry-lonely-tired, skipping a meeting, you get the picture.

I get caught in my trap. I gossip, agonize over the seemingly innocent and delicious meal being prepared by a picture perfect chef, eat standing up and eat a few bites that aren't weighed or measured, feel isolated and start feeling sorry for myself.

I fight to get out. I berate myself and others, awfulize this whole recovery business, fantasize about stuffing cookies and cake in my mouth, berate myself and others some more.

The more I fight, the worse I am injured...and others are injured. I am at great risk of turning to addictive foods and behaviors.

Alas, the answer lies in relying on GOD. Psalm 46:1 and 10, "GOD is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble...Be still, and know the I am GOD."

GOD, grant me the humility to accept my powerless and YOUR power, today.

Cathy,

I love all your posts.

Mary Rose