I'm just beginning to realize how unmanageable my whole life is without recovery. When I was first introduced to the 12 steps, I believed and accepted right away that my eating was unmanageable. When I read Kay's books, I was reading about myself! So that was easy for me to see, but I'm realizing more and more each day that my whole life is in fact unmanageable. Every part of my life is affected by addiction. My relationship with God, husband, kids, parents, sisters, in-laws, church...; my housekeeping, homeschooling, exercise, sleep, recreation time...

So I need the help of my HP all day every day with everything...not just food and eating...not just forgiving and being honest...EVERYTHING! Admitting that makes me uncomfortable. I would like to be able to do SOMETHING on my own. But I can't. So much of my struggle is in trying to make it on my own...doing it my way. So many conflicts come from me trying to force my way.

God grant me the willingness to surrender ALL of me, ALL day, EVERY day.

Cathy--

Thanks for this. This reminds me of the first step--"We admitted we were powerless over sugar/flour/wheat--that our lives had become unmanageable." I read this to say, because of my food addiction, because of the consequences of my food addiction, because I couldn't stop eating, my life was unmanageable. But with more careful reading and instruction, i learned that, for me, my life was unmanageable anyway. So when I got abstinent and got the addictive substances out of my body, my life was still unmanageable--I love the description of this on page 52 in the Big Book. So if I don't do the work that leads me to a spiritual experience sufficient to overcome this spiritual malady, I will eat again. And that is the first step for me--the same person will binge again. So I need to change, to be changed, to be open to change as evidenced by willingness to follow the path (of 12 steps) laid out like a yellow brick road in front of me. Steve K