Before recovery, I was a hater. I hated myself for every mistake I ever made. I hated myself for eating too much. I hated my overweight body. I hated myself for not being perfect. I hated others for not being perfect. I hated others for every mistake they ever made. I hated others for not living up to my expectations. I hated others for not meeting my needs. I even hated others for not automatically knowing what my needs were. I hated having to tell anyone my needs. I hated myself for having needs in the first place. I hated that I seemed to know what was best for everyone, but everyone didn't accept my supreme knowledge. I hated that I worked so hard to make everything right, and others seemed to work against me. I hated that I seemed to be the only person concerned about everything being done right and and done well. I hated every person that seemed to question anything I thought was right. I hated the effort it took to hide the hate I had inside. I hated that food only made me feel better for a minute. I was miserable.

Thankfully, in recovery, I have learned:

to forgive myself and others for not being perfect

to love and accept myself and others without judging, criticizing, blaming

I am not in control of anything, much less everything

I can indeed trust my HP with everything

I don't know what's best for everyone, but God does

mistakes don't mean failure and condemnation

having needs is normal and it's healthy to reach out and express those needs

to ask for help no matter how many times a day I have to ask

I'm worthy of God's love just like I am today

I have nothing to fear

I have the support I need to stay in recovery

the worst day in recovery is better than the best day in addiction:)

Cathy,
I am a newcomer (June 1st will be 2 months) to what it means to be free of sugar, wheat, and flour and to remain abstinent from them. so each day continues to be a breath of freedom from the suffocating (so- called comfort) food that was killing me. I am just now learning how this way of life incorporates the food plan along with the step work to remain abstinent.
I love how you were so openly honest with yourself and willing to share these personal reflections with others. I am especially encouraged by the last line where you stated the following: "the worst day in recovery is better than the best day in addiction." Thank you for sharing because your outreach is drawing others closer than what you realize.

Hey Susie, it's great to hear from you! Congrats on 2 months of abstinence:) Yes, a breath of freedom from the suffocating food...yes! I hope you have a meeting to attend in person or a phone meeting to call in to. It's so great to meet other food addicts and hear their stories and shares:) Meetings and working the steps of recovery are life changing and worth every bit of time spent on them!

That last line comes from someone else, not sure exactly who or where it's recorded, but I hear it from my sponsor, at meetings, and in literature. It's so true because even on those days that I awfulize recovery, and yes, I do that occasionally:/, or when I wish addiction would just be cured and I wouldn't have to work at recovery or avoid addictive substances, on days that I don't want to be loving or forgiving...those days are still glorious in comparison to the self-hating, confusing, and burdensome days of active addiction!

I wish you well on this road of recovery and am so happy you are on this road with the rest of us! Feel free to email me anytime:) gamater@windstream.net

Blessings,
Cathy in Georgia

Hi Cathy, It was great to hear from you! We do have a small group (4) in town, and I attend meetings and have a sponsor. We are planning on attending the National Convention in Houston this year, and I am really excited! You never know...if you plan on attending, maybe we will meet up while we are there. This lifestyle change has saved my life in multiple ways, and I feel blessed each day that my HP guided me down this path of self-discovery as I pray each day for recovery from food addiction. I am not longer in denial about this disease and can only live and experience each day in a positive way that initiates my growth as an individual.

Susie in New Mexico